denial or acceptance?

firstly, i love you so much, and it really really hurts that we are fading out of each other's lives so fast. i don't know if distancing myself from you is my best decision, and whenever i think about it... :(

but it's the hard truth that i'm able to get you off my mind so much easier now. and when i do, i feel better. but i wonder if i'm just escaping the pain for now because whenever i do think about you, the pain is still as real.

i miss you so much. if only.

friends

without them, this ordeal would probably be so much more unbearable.

bummed

fell asleep last night feeling so much better, but today it's as if i'm back to square one.

i'm conversing with so many people, but it just doesn't seem right at all. my interest level for today is 0.

only you can make it all go away.

my first post comes almost after a month

firstly, this blog is for you.

every post that i write in future, it's with you in mind. i love you, and probably always will. you are my soulmate and my motivation in everything i do.

without your love, my world has since become darker, and everything seems so much less interesting. if only you knew, really really knew how important you are to me, and how you leaving me has affected my life.

today, i had a nap in the afternoon. it was one of the few times since that day that i had no trouble drifting off to sleep. i felt kinda happy, so maybe that's why my dreams were happy too. in them, you and me together like before. i felt so so so happy. i love you so much.

but then i woke up, and the sadness and despair that hit me was crushing. it was like i had the wind knocked out of me, and every single bit of happiness was drained out - leaving me only with sadness so intense it physically hurt.

thank God for friends. just got off the phone at this ungodly hour with shonia, and i really do feel better. like the lingering pain from afternoon's dream just vanished.

i must/will move on.