our first chinese new year eve that we are apart after being together for almost 7 years. it feels weird because i have no one to call and share with what i'm doing or wearing, who'll be at the house and what weird questions people asked. many little things remind me of you, and i really miss you.
i feel like the memories of us are looming at the back of my head. and i'm a little afraid everything that i've tried to do to get over you, will come crashing down on me and leaving me at where we left off. or hopefully it might be that i am in control of the situation.
many people have told me this is the wrong way to get over someone, but i don't wanna listen. i believe in my willpower and soon one day i know i will be able to talk to you like a friend, and nothing else. it doesn't mean i won't love you, but i just can't keep hoping you'll come back to me.
if you do one day, just know that i will be here. because you are my soulmate.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
hot and cold
emotions can bring you on a real roller coaster ride. one moment you're cruising along fast and furious, like there's no care in the world. then suddenly, you're a body of tension just building up, slowly but surely. then lastly you plunge so fucking hard that you just wanna scream but nothing comes out.
i saw him for the first time today. although i don't think much of him, i won't be saying that to you. it'll just make me seem like a sore loser. if you're happy, no matter how hard this will be for me, i still want you to be happy.
of course, there are darker times when i'm a selfish piece of shit, but these moments are getting less frequent. but it doesn't mean the pain is less real.
and when i think about you spending so much time with him, it's so sad. that was how we used to be. when i saw you sitting side by side with him, i wanted to cry. how long have we not sat in that same way?
i walked past takashimaya alone today, and i remembered that was the place where we met for the second time. that feeling of excitement, nervousness and feeling of permanent nausea. i miss it and i miss you.
but i know once a person has left, he isn't really there anymore. when we parted today, you texted me saying, "hope you're fine. and thanks for being so cool about it. see you soon."
no phone call, no reply after. just that. are you being this way so that i will give you up, or is it that you just don't care for me anymore. i really don't know.
i want to move on so badly, which is why i met you and him together today. i'm angry with myself for being so emotionally weak.
but in the end, i still wonder if you'll ever come back to me.
i love you so much.
i saw him for the first time today. although i don't think much of him, i won't be saying that to you. it'll just make me seem like a sore loser. if you're happy, no matter how hard this will be for me, i still want you to be happy.
of course, there are darker times when i'm a selfish piece of shit, but these moments are getting less frequent. but it doesn't mean the pain is less real.
and when i think about you spending so much time with him, it's so sad. that was how we used to be. when i saw you sitting side by side with him, i wanted to cry. how long have we not sat in that same way?
i walked past takashimaya alone today, and i remembered that was the place where we met for the second time. that feeling of excitement, nervousness and feeling of permanent nausea. i miss it and i miss you.
but i know once a person has left, he isn't really there anymore. when we parted today, you texted me saying, "hope you're fine. and thanks for being so cool about it. see you soon."
no phone call, no reply after. just that. are you being this way so that i will give you up, or is it that you just don't care for me anymore. i really don't know.
i want to move on so badly, which is why i met you and him together today. i'm angry with myself for being so emotionally weak.
but in the end, i still wonder if you'll ever come back to me.
i love you so much.
Friday, January 28, 2011
with a stranger
after i met char, i felt so lost and frustrated.
lost without you. emptiness. just the thought that you're no longer mine to call, just really kills me everytime i think about it. i imagine you being with someone else, and the worst part is that you loving him back.
and i'm frustrated. angry with myself for holding on to someone that has obviously moved on, and is happy. i feel bad pouring my troubles to my friends, though they say they don't mind, it makes me feel weak, stupid and clingy. i hate it.
so i spent some time alone, and i did it with a stranger.
lost without you. emptiness. just the thought that you're no longer mine to call, just really kills me everytime i think about it. i imagine you being with someone else, and the worst part is that you loving him back.
and i'm frustrated. angry with myself for holding on to someone that has obviously moved on, and is happy. i feel bad pouring my troubles to my friends, though they say they don't mind, it makes me feel weak, stupid and clingy. i hate it.
so i spent some time alone, and i did it with a stranger.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
sometimes
i just think that no matter what reasons you give, the bottom line is I'm not as important to you as you are to me.
cos if I were, would you be in love now?
cos if I were, would you be in love now?
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