emotions can bring you on a real roller coaster ride. one moment you're cruising along fast and furious, like there's no care in the world. then suddenly, you're a body of tension just building up, slowly but surely. then lastly you plunge so fucking hard that you just wanna scream but nothing comes out.
i saw him for the first time today. although i don't think much of him, i won't be saying that to you. it'll just make me seem like a sore loser. if you're happy, no matter how hard this will be for me, i still want you to be happy.
of course, there are darker times when i'm a selfish piece of shit, but these moments are getting less frequent. but it doesn't mean the pain is less real.
and when i think about you spending so much time with him, it's so sad. that was how we used to be. when i saw you sitting side by side with him, i wanted to cry. how long have we not sat in that same way?
i walked past takashimaya alone today, and i remembered that was the place where we met for the second time. that feeling of excitement, nervousness and feeling of permanent nausea. i miss it and i miss you.
but i know once a person has left, he isn't really there anymore. when we parted today, you texted me saying, "hope you're fine. and thanks for being so cool about it. see you soon."
no phone call, no reply after. just that. are you being this way so that i will give you up, or is it that you just don't care for me anymore. i really don't know.
i want to move on so badly, which is why i met you and him together today. i'm angry with myself for being so emotionally weak.
but in the end, i still wonder if you'll ever come back to me.
i love you so much.
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